I wish all those words in my head would flow straightly on the paper. So many words, talks. All up here. "Stop enjoying your life. Do something big," Vincent said. Now and then they all attack me.

"Do something great in your life," she repeats him, "find the truth." She added that last part herself. There is no truth for Vincent, just laws.

"You must not bury and waste your talent," she goes on, "however you define the truth."

She heard me. Always she does. She is there, listening to all my inner, intense, occasionally hilarious conversations. She even heats them up, unbelievably. No doubt does she trigger them. I do not mind. I am accustomed to her.

"Be yourself," she motherly stares at me.

I gasp. So much of redundancy, repetition.

"I am truly glad you have started reading and examining those interesting novels. This is the right path for you, I believe." she forecfully smiles.

I shrug.

"Pornography, take as an example. I like McEwan's short stories, though I surmise you have missed some crucial points of that story. That was my impression after you surfed the web, reading others' perspectives."

I frown. Our constant quarrel is approaching. "She should not mention such names out loud", I murmured.

"Well, you did not get the castration point, you mistakingly thought of circumcision." Stubbornly, she insists, though the point that whether the protagonist of that story got castrated or circumcised does not change the writer's lesson.

"It does. I believe he deserved it. O'Byrne, I mean. He meant to spread his disease." She critically continues, "Your language disadvantage. That's why you missed delicate points of the story. You cannot feel English words as strong as a native."

"Do you?" I sarcastically look at her.

"I just say you cannot."

I raise my right arm, putting on my forehead, thoughtfully, resentfully. I remember that I also could not get the idea of him working in a pornography shop. Nor, did I notice the disused church served as a pornography warehouse. Sitting quietly, she takes a glimpse at me. No talks any more. She wins, again, though she believes she is not into any games. I can read her, even if she does not move her lips, "I just want you learn where you should invest more."